What pride has wrought
by FaithLine
Summary: A difficult conversation Lavellan thinks about having with Solas. Set after the Tempel of Mythal.


**What pride has wrought**

„ Should I tell him?" she asked as she sat up. The last weeks had been better, or so she told herself. She had been better, getting better... she had had enough things to occupy her mind with.

Josephine came with a tray to her that had three cups, a teapot, bread, butter and some jam on it and put it on her nightstand. " The more important question is, how our ambassador can look this radiant at this time of the day" Dorian sighed as he sat up on the seat he had spent the night on. Lavellan shot him a glare but then looked at Josephine and saw that she did not look like she had lost any sleep last night. " I have to agree with him. Is that some kind of antivan magic?" she asked as Josephine poured her some tea.

Yesterday Lavellan had found out that her suspicions had been accurate. She was expecting a child. Everyone had done their best to keep her mind off of Solas. Even Solas himself who had made himself scarce and rumor had it, that he was very careful not to accidentally run into her.

Josephine and Dorian had spent the last night in her room to get her through.

She hated this. She wasn't some damsel, she wasn't weak. She has had an important role in her Clan, the fate of Thedas rested on her shoulders, she had changed the fates of Templars, Mages, Wardens and the very fate of Orlais. And still she succumbed to this? A broken heart?

It was not the time for her to grieve her lost love. She had not realized before how deeply she had fallen for Solas. His words had come so suddenly and cut deeper than any knife ever could.

But she had tried to get over it. There had always been some crisis that needed attention, so she had traveled and shortened her time in Skyhold to an amount that was just enough to show her people that she was still alive. She was sure she had made progress... but now she felt lower than ever before.

" No." Joseys voice pulled her out of her thoughts. " It is just training. I don't think you would need any." she smiled and gave her the cup. " and … to answer your other question, it is really up to you Lady Lavellan." - " Aren't you my advisor? Isn't there some noble family, that somehow relates to this problem in any way? Maybe I should ask Cullen and Leliana as well..." she said bitterly and regretted it, Josephine did not deserve this.

" Cullen would probably offer to send soldiers to beat _him_ into listening. And Leliana would probably blackmail him or... well solve this situation in a way that there would be noone left to tell." Dorian said as he stood up to get his own cup. He took a sip and frowned. " I will need something stronger." he sighed and took another sip.

Josephine sat down next to the Inquisitor. " You know that we will all support you in your decision... do you think that it would change anything If you told him?" Lavellan sat there for a moment … and nodded. " Yes, I think it would hurt him more to know this. " she said and sipped her tea. Either Josey had brought a very weak blend or everything had lost it's taste, again.

" I think that he is planning to leave... I think that the only reason he is putting up with this situation is because he... he wants to help.. or... finish this with us? I don't know how to explain it. And I don't think that he would... change his mind." she said and felt her eyes filling with tears again. She tried to calm herself down with deep breaths. Why was this so difficult? Why couldn't she just stop being weak? Why couldn't she stop caring?

" I cannot think about this. I am sure that there is much to do for me." She said. She swallowed her feelings and got up, back to work, back to live towards the future.

Dorian and Josephine reluctantly left before she got dressed and walked down into the main hall. She went straight to the door that lead to Josephines office and the warroom when the door opened without her doing and Solas appeared in front of her.

For a second she wondered if this had been on purpose but the shock on his face seemed genuine. She actually stumbled back a few paces. Her whole body began to shake and the shock on his face made way for sadness and guilt. " I am sorry Inquisitor." he said and walked past her. " For what?" she heard herself saying. " What ARE you sorry for Solas?" she asked and turned around to face him, but he remained with his back to her. " Are you sorry for _your_ feelings or for mine? Are you sorry for staying or for leaving? OR are you SORRY because it hasn't crossed your mind what this would mean? Are you sorry that for all your wisdom you did not see _this _coming? Don't be sorry for me_ vhenan _don't be sorry for your _lover._ Be sorry for the child you are leaving behind." her voice had gotten louder with every sentence until her last. The last she said so silent it was almost inaudible.

Without waiting for his reaction she stormed through the open doorway and pushed the door behind her close. She did not see the Dread Wolves reaction, she did not see his devastation, she could not know his struggles, but she did feel them. Every single one of them.


End file.
